right now... im hurting so much... and the ones i want to tell so badly... is just so hard. dont u realise? cant u see? that im hurting deep inside? it's like someone stabbed a knife in my heart so deep.

i have never felt so hurt before...

i dont want to feel like this. from anger to sadness. just stop the tears from falling. i dont need this right now...

whoa it's been more than a week since i blogged in here. have i been THAT busy? no i haven't been doing SHIT for the past week no STUDY no NOTHING! i feel like crap. i dont wanna fail the fucking HSC but i couldn't be fucked studying! why?! why have i no fucking MOTIVATION?! why am i swearing?! am i pissed off?! what the fuck is PISSING ME OFF?!?! stoopid fucking bullshit i swear to god! why should i be pissed?! did i do something wrong?! if i did IM SORRY?!?!?! aaaaaargh i cant take this shit anymore. i have no fucking life! im bored outta my brains and all i can think of is to be fucken angry at EVERYONE. *SUS!!!* i dont need this right now. i've been online since practically 9.38am which is REALLY FUCKING BAD! my ass is so comfortable on this chair though.

uno what word i hate right this moment? it's the "whatever.." word! it just makes me *ARGHZ* i cant explain it.. it's like a "I DONT CARE" word... ok yeah enough of me being... ME?!

im just sick and tired of trying to make EVERYBODY HAPPY!... cant u ppl out there see that I WANNA BE HAPPY TOO?! and YOU HAVE TO MAKE AN EFFORT?! i may be some person who doesn't share my feelings but I HAVE FEELINGS TOO!... so what if i dont show it.. does that make me a bad person? NO IT DOESNT... AND WHY AM I BITCHING ABOUT NOTHING?! fuck man... is it my time of the month or what? i hardly ever get pissed off?! *SIGH* why NOW?!?!?! AW MAN! i feel like SHIT I TELL U! SHITTTT!!!!!

damn.. where's that person to make u feel better when u need it... :(

fine i'll just keep bitching..

1) parents - they're so damn strict it's getting to the point where i cant hack it anymore. i need a life. i need to get out and have fun. i need them to get off my back about the fucking HSC yes i know HSC is important but i think I KNOW THAT ALREADY!!! they dont even fucking trust me... why?! all because of a few stupid mistakes i made way back in fucking year 10. THAT WAS OVER 2 YEARS AGO! FOR FUCK'S SAKE GET OVER IT! STOOPID FUCKING PAULO RUINED MY FUCKING NON-EXISTANT LIFE AND I HATE HIM AND MYSELF FOR IT!!! *ARGHZ* i feel like pulling my hair outta my head now... IM GETTING REALLY REALLY ANGRY HERE!!!!

2) friends - i miss a certain somebody... to that person out there uno who u are: i wish things were back to the way they were. it was fun and now everybody's growing up and going their own ways. i dont wanna be that person left alone. i need u. i've known u since way back. we're like SISTERS dammit!!! you're my other half and i seriously dont feel 100% me when you're not there. *sigh*

3) no.6 - well no.6 isn't really a problem.. for some reason i just dont think he doesn't like me anymore? dammit... well if that's how u feel.. then that's how u feel... cant really make someone like me?

4) MY BROTHER - why the fuck does he have to be such a fucking bitch to me?! what the hell did i fucking do wrong this time?! he fucking hates me and i have no fucking idea why?! geez the least he could do was tell it to my face rather than fucking swear at me and shit and giving me crap for shit i didn't do!

5) ME - i think i am the biggest problem. i think too much and analyse too much shit that my brain's gone on overload. i probably just need to get all this crap outta my brain before it explodes. fuck and i need to clean my stupid fucking room in order to have a CLUTTER FREE ATMOSPHERE HENCE GIVING ME A CLUTTER FREE MIND

i think i've exploded enough for one day... i've settled down..
*WOOooOSaAaAaah!* yes.. yes i have settled down
ok.. back to doing my UAC preferences HOW SHIT IS DAT?!?!?! it's fucking DUE TOMORROW!!! that's bull- fucking-shit!!!! how we meant to make preferences when we dont even know our fucking UAI's?!?! fuck man! as if we can predict what we're gonna get for the HS fucking C! ARRRRRGGHHHHZZZZZ maybe i haven't settled down...

HEH FUCK IT im just not bothered to blog anymore of the shit that's inside my empty brain
toodles~!

im so excited! grandparents are coming back tomorrow from the philippines *pasalubong time* i've missed them so much. i've been home alone most afternoons. i actually cried today, because i received some bad news. well technically it's not bad it's just... *sigh* grandparents want to move back to the philippines for good. im going to miss them so much. they're like my parents! even better actually! they're in time with the newer generation. my rents dont even understand that i need a social life. oh well. after hsc i'll be able to have one *hopefully*

one more week and school's over. it's gonna be over so soon. ok MUST STUDY HARD! i must get a UAI of 90 so i can get my $60,000 car and i can get my course at macquarie uni. they're only wishes. uai's based on the bloody raw marks and my raw marks are crap az!!!

eh anyway, im just excited for this flyday! graduation day! im gonna dress up as a FOB! with my super soaker and everything! time for taking HEAPS OF PICTURES! wooo hooo!

ok that's all for now... time to chat!

ooh yesterday... what happened yesterday went to a party. i'll be quite brief and to the point. not much to say. ok maybe a lot to say but i just couldn't be bothered.

1) embarassed myself by stuffing custard all over my mouth and smiling oh so innocently
2) inhaled helium from the floating balloons and started talking nonsense
3) used tablecloth as my serviette
4) pinched ass's here and there
5) hm.. that's all i can think of for now

haven't been to tutor in a while im starting to become dumb once again. damn. i must go. must study hard. MUST NOT BLUDGE! but there's only 10 days left of school! nooo way!!!!

ok. well im lazy now
toodles~!

it's so early in the morning and im at home. SICK. and on the net. lol. i must be an addict. nahh! me? liz?! an addict?! NEVER! anyway, i've got nothing to do so i've decided to blog.

so many friends are going through different problems and i wish i could help. life's tough when you're a teenager and im guessing life will be even tougher once you're an "adult" - im already in the "adult stage" and now im scared. OMG! responsibility! i cant handle the "r" word! it's just so big!

but anyway, what was i going on about? oh yeah. friends and their problems. eh stuff that. just go with the flow. whatever happens, happens, and it happens for a reason. wait did that make sense at all?

IM SO BORED! i should've gone to school except i have no voice! i sound like some broken record i sound OFF KEY! anyway, im in a much better mood since feeling like shit a few days ago. maybe im getting better? maybe im ... NOT getting my monthly's yet? *woo hoo*

i seriously cant afford to get my m-m-m-monthly's right now. i wont be able to wear my dress for wincy's bday! wow wincy's turning 18! gawd dayem! we're all getting older!

well this message goes out to wincy: Happy 18th Birthday WINCY! hopefully you're parents will stop following u around now that you're all grown up! hehe See you at the party! oh and hope u like my pressie!

well i think i better get off net, i feel like my ass is gonna break.
toodles!

for some reason i have been feeling so down ever since 2 nights ago. yesterday i've just been crying and crying like a baby and for what? i have no idea. all these emotions just burst out and yeah. i dunno what's going on?! im so confused. im so lost. im so... EMOTIONAL?! eh i think i might be getting my "monthly's" soon. maybe that's why.. *hmmm*

anyway to that special someone out there. i know this is gay but it must be said. im just TOO DAMN SHY to say it to your face coz i fear rejection and i basically i JUST fear

well ok here goes anything... to no.6 i am seriously in like with you and although i may not show it i really do. so yeah lol damn i sound gay. i think i should stop now.

3 5 6 ikaw lang

*chews on fried chicken* mmmm nice

btw --> hi andwu. sorry i've been neglecting u. there there now. see? i've mentioned u in my blog. are u a happy lil boi now?

yay! daryl came! lol took pictures and hm what else. we witnessed nat walk into the glass window. LOL! *bang* hahaha

but yes, i'd just like to say thank you for coming daryl! oh and buying me that asian drink on my bday and also buying that lipton peach ice tea today! lol next time i see u im going to shout YOU!! OK?! i wont take no for an answer. hehe. anyway, i think im getting sick from NAT! *ugh* i feel like crap but im addicted to the net lol.

*hugs ADSL* mwa mwa mwa my precious!

ok maybe i am getting really sick.

eh im at school now and im very bored. i'd like to NOT go to school but no one to bum with. i pranked daryl but i dont think he has any credit. *ugh* why of all days today NOBODY wants to BUM! i've never bummed in my life! maybe it's just not me. lol. i'll probably stick to being the nerdy liz everyone knows and loves (loves?! pft...)

it's nat's birthday today. so i dedicate this blog to nat :

NAT! U ARE THE MOST STOOPIDEST PERSON I KNOW! ALTHOUGH I LOVE U LIKE A FAT KID LOVES CAKE. (I DO NOT KNOW ANY OF THOSE DAMN LYRICS BUT WHAT I DO KNOW IS THAT U GET MY DRIFT... RIGHT???) AND WHY AM I TYPING IN CAPS LOCK? EH IM TOO LAZY TO PUT IT BACK. LOL. ANYWAY NATASHA CLAIRE PASQUAL i hereby declare u an official ADULT! oh no! the world's gone mad! j/k! >> HAPPY 18TH BIRTHDAY >> MAY YOU BE THE INNOCENT GIRL U ARE FOREVER AND EVER *COUGH* (WTF?! INNOCENT MY F*CKING ASS!) MAY YOUR DAY BE FILLED WITH JOY AND UM.. ALCOHOL? love u lots natsturbator *grrrr* ram me harder baby!

ok yeah well enough of that moooshy stuff. eh. im bored. i always am. i have no life.

[p.s.] marvz ur da bestest faggot in the whole wide world! hopefully u and fanny work out! (whoops i meant f R anny!) all the best of luck! dont be shy! go for it! GO GO GO! just remember, ur E L I T E

toodles!~

yeah. it was my birthday yesterday! IM 18! IM 18! IM 18! IM 18! IM 18! IM 18! IM 18! IM 18! IM 18!

anyway. im bored again.

toodles!

it's my birthday tomorrow! im so excited! i'll be classified as an "adult" 18 years young. what a big number for me. i didn't think this day would come so soon! damn now i have responsibility. *ugh* but yes, hopefully tomorrow will be a good day for me and everyone else!

i'd also like to say... "HAPPY 18th BIRTHDAY FOR TOMORROW RUBY!" we are so cool! we share the same birth date but for some reason i turned out much cooler than you. JUST KIDDING! haha

may all our wishes/dreams/"fantasies" (wink wink) come true. lol.

remember children, liz is going to be an ADULT! OMG! ALCOHOL HERE I COME!

im patiently waiting... just for that simple question.

today was quite a WEIRD day. it wasn't really productive. 100 minutes of class and the rest were all free periods. why do i bother coming to school. i just eat. lol. eh im not bothered to blog at the moment. maybe tomorrow. or the day after. OR.. the day after that.

im bored. AGAIN.

im not insane everyone. no really, im not.